According to NYPOST.COM Reporter MICHAEL RIEDEL, Bernadette has missed six of 39 performances as of May 7, prompting this little parody ditty which showed up in my email box today:

ODE TO MS. PETERS

If Momma was healthy, we'd have a full house,
As sold out as sold out can be:
But Momma calls out very often, the louse,
So people get mad and get refunds, you see...
When Momma's not healthy.
If Momma was healthy, there'd be no despair,
And no one would give us a "Boo!"
She'd get all those nay sayers out of her hair,
And once and for all She'd get Reidel out, too...
If Momma was healthy.
Mau - reen gets out her spare dress!
She's done it before -
With equal success.
Maureen, God speed and God bless;
She knows the whole score,
And doesn't need rest!
Oh, Momma, be smart
And go see a doctor today.
I'll gladly support you,
I'll even escort you --
And I'll gladly show you the way!
Oh, Momma, get healthy today!

If Momma was healthy, there wouldn't be any more
"Let me reimburse you,"
"She's been out a while."
"Do they think we're rich?"
"She is such a bitch."
"She's out, Louise!"
"What a baby!"
Momma, please take our advice:
They hate diva runts
When paying full price.
Momma, this habit ain't nice,
You're in the show once,
Then miss the show twice!
It could be so nice
If Momma got healthy to stay.
But, Momma gets sickly -
And -
Sickly -
And -
Sickly -
And still gets the part, anyway.
Oh, Momma,
Oh, Momma,
Oh, Momma, get healthy today!